What is orgasm anxiety?

What is orgasm anxiety? 

Aren't there already enough things in the world to be anxious about? While we might think so - we just discovered another type of anxiety we can add to the vocabulary: orgasm anxiety.

According to Choosing Therapy, orgasm anxiety is defined as 

Orgasm anxiety is stress about reaching climax and a hyper-focus on orgasm, typically during partnered sexual activity. Equating orgasm with successful or enjoyable sex can create internalized pressure to “finish” or else feel like sex was a failure. Focusing too much on orgasms paradoxically makes climax less likely to occur, as a balance between relaxation and tension is necessary in order to reach an orgasmic release.

Why do I have orgasm anxiety?

According to the same site, Orgasm anxiety can be caused by the following: 

  1. You are less able to achieve an orgasm
  2. You are self conscious 
  3. You have a fear of disappointing your partner
  4. You have relationship issues 
  5. Other anxieties 

While reading the above.. we got a little bit jump. Let's dive into the details why 

1. You are less able to achieve an orgasm

While this may be true, it's also true that you can have amazing sex without achieving an orgasm. An orgasm is not, and we repeat NOT, the holy grail. Of course an orgasm can feel amazing, but if it doesn't happen during sex with yourself or your partner: don't feel anxious about it. You are not alone in this, about 75% of women do not achieve an orgasm from intercourse alone

Apart from having sex and not reaching a climax, it's possible you don't reach a climax when you masturbate either. You are not alone in this either: about 10-15% of women who masturbate don't climax either.

If you haven't climaxed yet: you still can. But don't feel nervous our anxious about it. Put as priority to feel comfortable with yourself first. Touch yourself, caress yourself, play around, test different things (watching porn, reading erotic stories, reading hen tai comics, listening to audio porn, using a pillow, using a shower head - the options are endless!). 

First things first: feel comfortable with yourself

2. You are self conscious

Darling, everybody Is. Close the windows, dim the light, turn on some music, a little wine here and there sometimes helps. A women's body is amazing, and while magazines/instagram/Kendal Jenner might make you believe bodily perfection is in arm length's reach, believe us that nobody is watching your body, your little imperfections (which make you PERFECT!) or sounds you make when you are turned on.

The most sexy thing you can do/be for yourself and for your partner? You while you 300% enjoy the moment and let yourself go and find your pleasure.

3. You have a fear of disappointing your partner

Girl, it's 2021. Let's be real: disappointing your partner is realistic but as long as you do not disappoint yourself, we're good. 

Stay true to yourself when it comes to intercourse and don't do things (or not do things) just to please your partner.

Don't fake an orgasm for your partner - tell him/her you didn't reach it, and explore together. You might not mind faking the first couple of times, but you'd rather have a couple of first awkward sex sessions and long term orgasms than a life long relationship filled with fake orgasms. Aint nobody got time for that. 

Disappointment is realistic, not meeting expectations as well. If this happens - be the better person and make it a topic you both can discuss and can build further on. See what can be done "better" or "different" in the future so you both can experience pleasure at its best.

4. You have relationship issues 

This is where we got jittery - why do all these reasons have to be connected to "being in a relationship"? Shit, you might have relationship issues, but we've heard that the best sex is make up sex. Turn those relationship "issues" into an instigator for hot and passionate orgasmic sex.

But also realise that it's not always your partner, your relationship or this patriarchal crapload of a reasoning to why you might not reach a climax. 

Try to clear your head - whether that's from work, babies, friends, your partner or life in general - before you head into your sex session. That is our advice. 

5. Other anxieties 

Yes, other anxieties exist. But let's try with the masturbation game to combat some of those anxieties and focus on the "now". Use masturbation time to clear your head, focus on your body - whether that end in an orgasm or not - exploring your body and mind is always for the good. 

Realise that you do not have an influence on a lot of things in life, but you do control your own mind and body. Start there. 

Explore together

While you're here and reading away on orgasm anxiety. Why not give our Pixie a chance? Pixie is a super cute, eenie meenie tiny, little palm vibrator. Non-intrusive, super safe, equipped with 8 different modes to help you explore your own body. 

It's like floating in the sea - with your ears in the water and your only focus is on the sky above you, the water below you and your bodily sensations. 

Say Goodbye to orgasm anxiety and Hi to Pixie and The Oh Collective helping you to reach your Oh!

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