More than 33% of women admit that their first time didn't feel like the right time.
Today, we are spilling the tea and giving you the juiciest of juicy first-time stories! As women, we often feel ashamed to talk about how and when we lost our virginities.
Some might think to themselves, “Wait… Did I lose my virginity too young? Did everyone else lose it after marriage?” or “My first time was insanely embarrassing… I feel so awkward to even think about it”.
Fear not! Your Oh Collective gals are here and we all know that “caring=sharing”. We are all just like you, and let’s get this straight first: We’ve all had these crazy/unforgettable/awkward first-time stories too.
What does “losing your virginity mean”? “Virginity” is a concept, a social construct, created to talk about never having had sex. Even the term, “lose your virginity” is as if it implies something is “taken” from us. The definition of “virginity” is also tricky because what it is often tied to is penis-in-vagina intercourse. Penis-in-vagina intercourse leaves a whole group of people out of this. For others, especially those in the LGBTQ community, engaging in other types of sex (including oral sex or anal sex) would also equate to "losing your virginity". All this makes the idea of virginity deeply personal — it's up to you to define it for yourself, and there is no wrong definition.
Some of our most fun, awkward, and eye-opening first-time stories
“It happened on the last day of freshman year of college with my boyfriend of six months. Our dorm rooms were packed up, and everyone else had already left for the summer. The only thing he hadn’t packed up was the mattress cover—a.k.a. bed bug protector—on his twin bed. That’s where it happened, while we waited for my mom to drive to campus to get me and all my stuff. Squeaky, painful, clumsy, weirdly sterile, very practical. Sexy: not in the least.” (29, Female)
“My first time happened when I went traveling with the boy I liked after we graduated from middle school. He kind of figured out my sexual orientation, so he was keeping his distance all the time. One night I just couldn’t bear it, so I hooked up with another boy from a dating app and did it. It wasn’t pleasurable, but it did relieve my feelings… After that my opinions toward sex started to shift: it doesn’t matter who you have sex with, for the first time or any time, as long as you do all the protections.” (22, Male)
“I had it with my girlfriend. We had kissed for a long while, but we didn’t know how to continue. So we ended up masturbating together.” (20, Female)
"I remember the first time I spent the night with my girl was at a small hotel in town. It was really a shabby hotel that didn't even have a toilet. We were so awkward: after we both stripped our clothes and did all the protection, I just couldn’t get it up. So we did nothing… I’m so embarrassed to think about it even now." (24, Male)
“I came from a very strict family. But when I went abroad to study, I lived with my aunt and got freedom for the first time. At my 16th birthday night, I just wanted to lose my virginity and to feel what sex is like. So I grabbed a random good-looking man from a bar and did it at a nearby hotel. I didn’t feel anything special, but I started my weekly Tinder dates after that first time. My aunt has always thought of me as a pure, innocent girl, so I really enjoy my bad girl secret.” (23, Female)
“I drank a lot on purpose and wanted him to take me to a hotel to have sex. I stripped all my clothes when he was taking a shower. After he came back, he came to bed and was just cuddling with me. I was thinking to myself: why aren't you doing anything? Are you a man? Even though it was my first time, I could feel he was hard, so I rubbed him with my body and tried to get him started. At first he asked me to not move anymore, wanting to be responsible, but I stripped his underpants: it was the first time I looked at a man’s genitals. I thought it looked strange and ugly. He finally compromised, and started to guide and comfort me. I felt pain, but later when we talked about our feelings I found out that men can also feel pain during sex. It didn’t work out the first time, so a week later we did it for the second time. Kisses, touches and lubricants were all in place. I think it was comfortable, though I didn’t orgasm, I felt mentally and physically satisfied.” (25, Female)
It's safe to say that these stories are far too relatable.
- Penetration is not the only way to have sex.
- Traditionally, we think during penetration sex, the receiver would endure a lot of pain, but actually, the partner that is penetrating feels pain too.
- We don’t talk about lubricants enough for heterosexual penetration sex;: lubricants can help a lot and make the entire experience more smooth and enjoyable
- Your first time doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s ok to not successfully perform sex, it’s ok to not feel anything special and it’s ok to not orgasm. It's your first time.
- It's important to protect yourself and understand YOUR body before you share it with someone else
Those romantic scenes in movies really are just fictional. Pornhub as well.
Lastly, if you’re wondering
"When is the right time to do it for the first time"?
- Does it feel right?
- Do I like/love/respect my partner?
- Does my partner like/love/respect me?
- Have we talked about using condoms to prevent STIs and HIV, and was the talk OK?
- Do we have contraception to protect against pregnancy and diseases?
- Do I feel able to say "No" at any point if I change my mind? And will we both be ok with that?
If you answer yes to all these questions, the time may be right. Naturally to say that if you answered "No" to any of the above, then take a step back and reevaluate your situation.
Are you still not sure? If you answer yes to any of the following questions below, then we can assure you it's better to wait a little longer:
- Do I feel under pressure from anyone, such as my partner or friends?
- Could I have any regrets afterwards?
- Am I thinking about having sex just to impress my friends or keep up with them?
- Am I thinking about having sex just to keep my partner?
Our biggest tip: