In our series "Let's Get Real" we share our own personal stories about sex, intimacy, and relationships. Today's topic: porn.
Do all four of us watch porn?
Yes, yes, yes, and yes. 100% porn-watching female founding team right here!
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Who has ever lied about watching porn?
Eden: Yeah, but when I was young. Not anymore.
Diana: No, not now. But at the time in high school, I would say no because I would feel embarrassed.
Winxi: I have always been honest about it. When you're busy, sometimes your brain needs a little ecstasy sprinkle. And then you refer to porn, even though we know it's fake and not the real world. Sometimes you want to hide in that fake world and deceive your brain slightly.
Do you have specific themes in porn you like?
Winxi: I am someone who wants things to be very fast. I spend maybe max 15 minutes watching porn, and then I'm done, and then I go to bed. Sometimes it's more extreme; other times it's more vanilla. I don't really have a specific theme.
Simona: I always watch the same couple Leolulu.
When was the very first time you guys watched porn?
Winxi: In Holland, back when porn was not free, it would be on TV late at night. I think I was 14, and it'd be broadcasted late at night.
Simona: I started watching porn very early. Sometimes my parents left me alone in the restaurant with nobody to watch over me. One day I was going through the videos upstairs, and I grabbed one thinking it was a Chinese TV show. I put it in a video recorder, and it just started playing porn. Quite frankly, that's also when my masturbation journey started.
Eden: I was going through a DVD folder of my parents when I was 13, and there was just a whole folder of really nice porn, like Playboy Penthouse. My brother also found it, but without me knowing. So I guess we've been watching the same type of porn. He brought the whole box of Playboy Penthouse to school to share with his friends, and then he got caught. My parents had to go to school and talk to the teachers.
Diana: I remember one time my brother was in the bathroom and told me to look up 'hot grills' while I was on the computer, but I took it as 'hot girls'. I kept asking him: 'Are you sure?' When I googled 'hot girls' (on behalf of him), a bunch of porn just popped up.
Have you ever been caught watching porn?
Simona: I was upstairs and watching some videos. I was touching myself. When my mom came up she asked me what I'd be doing and I just played nice weather. She'd take my hand and accuse me of "doing something dirty". She'd regularly come up to check on me after that time. I still feel ashamed about it when thinking back, I just didn't know!
Winxi: After work, my parents would always go for a walk. I would watch it on TV at night when they went for that walk. Once I forgot to change the channel after I watched it. So the following day, they asked if "I was watching something?" I replied "No, it wasn't me. Maybe it was my brother."
Diana: I've never been caught watching it, but I've been caught doing something else. I lived with a family friend, and we were with many kids. Because we had seen little bits and pieces of porn, we got naked, although we didn't do anything, we were just like "Oh, these are boobs." We also didn't split by gender. We were just all naked kids trying to understand what was happening and why our bodies were so different. We got caught then, the adults were upset and asked why everyone was naked? I just remember feeling very ashamed.
Can you be a feminist and watch porn?
Winxi: Yes, but I think the general consensus is no. With old school porn, very often women are exploited and forced to do things they do not consent to. These days there's ethical porn.
To us, being a feminist doesn't mean we cannot enjoy or engage with porn. We admire, embrace, and admire those who choose porn as part of their sexuality and careers. Being a feminist and watching porn to us is to be more conscious and aware of how we engage with porn.
Do you have any recommendations for ethical porn?
Diana & Eden: MakeLoveNotPorn, Bellesa, X Confessions, Erika Lust are all among our top favourites.
How do you feel about your partner watching porn?
Eden: I'm all good about it. If I'm home and he's watching porn, I'd say give me a heads up because I'm available. But I'm completely fine if I'm away and he's watching. Sometimes we watch it together, and it's fascinating to learn what he's into and what I'm into. But I would also remind him about the reality 'That's not real, you know? Her boobs are not real. The abs are not real. She's worked really hard for them.' With that, I'm just saying "That's her career, and you cannot expect that of me. Don't have that same expectation of act coming from me. I will do me."
Simona: I applaud it. I wouldn't mind it at all. I also would be OK with him watching it while I'm at home.
What is your advice for sisters who are thinking about what type of porn to watch?
Simona: If you're looking for something different in your relationship, maybe implement a "porn night" for date night instead of movie night.
Also, preferences are different, so go to a website and start browsing. Like first-time sex, maybe the first time you don't even like it. Just browse around, and see if there's anything that you like. Don't feel ashamed, maybe go incognito the first time, just in case you don't want to get tracked. Also, for future parents: don't leave any video tapes in a space that your six-year-old can discover.
Eden: Take the bdsm test because it can help you pick a preference for porn. Through that, maybe you can find your category in a porn site easier roughly knowing what you might want.