“If you talk to your partner in a language they understand, that goes to their head…”Mind fuck is a real thing because words can be magically erotic even without physical touch. The mind is the most powerful erogenous organ. When your mind is influenced, your body reacts. This is why ‘talking dirty’ is such a fun and important tool that can bring you pleasure from 0 to 100 – REAL quick. Whether you are near or apart, the buildup can lead to ultimate euphoria.
Step 1: Learn about your partner’s mind
Everyone is different: sexuality for each and every single one of us is unique. A person who is confident, dominant and outgoing could be completely different by wanting to be controlled and submissive. Or a person who finds day to day ‘vanilla sex’ and vibrators to be boring, could be into feet or even latex.
To find out whether you are submissive, dominant, or if you have other primal fetishes, check out our article about The BDSM Kink Test.
It takes an open mind to begin and open doors for yourself, or with a partner on learning and re-learning what your and their triggers are.
To go deeper and understand what your ‘sex language’ is, check out our Erotic Blueprint Test.
Step 2: How to begin?After understanding your personal preference, from sub, dom, to other primal fetishes, you can start easing into action with your partner. You may be surprised by what your partner can conjure up, but for many, this will take some time and work before you two get the hang of what works for you guys. Some tips to ease into it:
“Oh professor, I’m so sorry I did terribly on the test. I’m a terrible student and deserve punishment.”
“You’ve been really, really naughty today. Bend over and let me punish you.”
After you’ve put yourself out there, gauge how your partner’s physical and verbal reactions are. They could be into it that day and play along, but they could also not be receptive, which is also completely alright. It could be a good idea for you guys to begin establishing and learning about each other’s preferences.
If your Kink Test result shows that you have a DOM preference, here are some examples to start with to bring out your inner DOM:
- “I’d like to ______ today.” [Insert a thing you’d like your partner to do, or a position you’d like to see them in, or something you’d like to see them wear…etc]
- “Take everything off, lay there, and you’re not allowed to touch yourself until I say so.”
- “Touch yourself for me.”
- "Use this vibrator until I tell you to stop." (Our G-spot Vibrator Kit is an amazing tool to include in DOM play)
- “Don’t moan. I will spank you if you make a sound.”
- “Tell me you’re mine.”
If your Kink Test result shows that you have a SUB preference, here are some examples to start with to bring out your inner SUB:A sub is not someone who is completely out of control. A sub can sometimes be the person in control because they are oftentimes the person the DOM wants to bring pleasure to.
- “I’d like you to do _____ to me today.” [Insert something you’d like to submit yourself to]
- “Would you please spank me?”
- “What can I do to please you?”
- "Please use this toy on me!" (Our adventurous butt plug from the Dream Team is a great tool to start explorting with)
- “How can I come for you?”
- “Please put yourself on top of me.”
Benefits of BDSM Dirty Talk?
- Heighten the sexual experience - it’s a great way of foreplay to build up to the big OH
- Out of body experience – where ‘YOU’ no longer have the baggage of who ‘YOU’ are outside of the bedroom
- Concentration – Do you know that feeling when you’re doing it and then your mind wanders to think about what happened at work that day or what you have to do after? When you’re talking dirty, you could be more focused on the ‘theme’ and that can help heighten your concentration for the moment
- It can bring you and your partner closer – dirty talk isn’t just to please your partner like what you see in porn. It’s a way for you to turn yourself on and begin curating your own storyline.
If you’re embarrassed to talk to your partner about your preferences, try writing everything down in a note and share it with your partner when you’re not face-to-face present with each other. This is a great way to express your needs and desires without directly seeing their reaction firsthand.
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