Are you looking to spice up your sex life and connect more with your partner? In this interview, we explore the world of BDSM and Shibari, and how incorporating vibrators like our Pixie can enhance your experience.
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Who is Sophia?
I am an artist, performer, and educator based in London that works with bondage, BDSM, kink, sexuality, relationships, and more.
How would you describe your intimate sexual self in three words?
Fluid, daring, and playful.
What is the most insane or adventurous thing you've done sexually?
There are a few. I had sex on an airplane (yes, I'm part of the Mile High Club now!). I was also tied up outside. We went somewhere that we thought was secluded. "Someone" was tying "another person" to a tree. And then, this couple and their dog just started walking past. We were naked. But the funny thing is, British people are so polite that they don't even turn their heads. They saw, and they just kept walking.
How did you get into Shibari?
I was already exploring kink and BDSM around 2013. At an event, I saw somebody exhibiting photos of themselves tied up. I'd seen images in pornography or art, but I didn't realise that this was something that people get together to learn. And I loved the fact it was not so much about the rope. The rope is a big part, but it's about people, how you feel, and your dynamic with someone whenever you tie.
How did you get in touch with the Shibari community?
At that time, there was something called munch. A munch is a space where kinky people can get together for non-kinky activities. There are even specific munches like a rope munch or a latex munch. So people who are interested in activities can go to a non-kinky space like a pub and meet together.
How to explore rope, Shibari, or general new practice?
Think about your intentions. What about it makes you curious, and in what way are you curious about it? Are you interested because it looks meditative and calming, or for the artistic aspect? If you know your desire or attraction to this practice, you'll be better able to express that and then meet other people who are also aligned with you.
For someone who wants to try out Shibari for the first time, do you recommend visiting a teacher or finding other artists?
Even if you go somewhere and try something, and it's not for you, it helps to clarify what you do and enjoy. What's wonderful is that the internet can connect you with many different artists and teachers, and many offer either online seminars or recordings of classes. So regardless of where you are, there's space and scope to connect with and learn from different teachers and people.
How to break it to your partner that you want to try Shibari?
For most people, Shibari images can look intense or violent. You are presented with final images but not the tying-in process, which is about touch, listening, being present with your partner, and being present with yourself. The experience is a lot sweeter and tender than what images represent. Find some videos or clips of tying in the process because people are surprised at how connecting the whole experience can be.
Do you also incorporate Shibari in your personal intimate life?
I have gone through phases where I have and phases where I haven't. For me, rope and sex are kind of separate. I find ropes sensual and a part of my sexuality. But if I want to have sex, I won't tie in the same way or material I would in a rope session.
How often does a rope session end in intercourse?
For me personally, out of 100 times, it would maybe end in sex one time. Also, what is sex? That could be the whole question. Penetrative sex, genital-to-genital contact? Sexual energy, sexual exchange? It's different for everyone, but for many who do rope, the rope is the sex. The process of tying is sexual pleasure.
Are all the people you date into Shibari, or is it a misconception?
My last three partners have not been in the kink scene. It doesn't mean we don't explore stuff together, but they aren't into it like I have been. In my relationships, many other sides of me are beyond the kink.
Do you do other things outside of Shibari that help you spice up your sex life?
Honestly, communication! It has helped me to be more confident in asking for what I want and having the kind of sex that is pleasurable for me.
Another way of spicing up my sex life is honestly just working out. It shreds expectations of what it means to look good or how I think I should be sexual, which I believe also comes with age and confidence—so the feeling of being comfortable with yourself and feeling safe and free spices up my sex life.
How do you know if you're people-pleasing or pleasing yourself in sex?
It's a long process, but it starts with identifying what's happening in your body when things are happening. How does my body feel when I'm saying yes or making decisions? And often, we can be disconnected when we want connections so much with others that we forget to check in with our bodies first. So I think it really starts with giving myself more time to make decisions, checking in with my body: oh, do I want to do that? What does a 'yes' feel like? What does a 'no' feel like?
What toys or accessories would you recommend?
I love your clitoral vibrator - Pixie for solo play and partnered sex as well, like putting Pixie on the clitoris. It's nice to have toys that you can include in sex that still keep you really connected to your partner. Pixie is fantastic in combination with rope: you might not know, but you can tie Pixie into the vulva..
Where can we find more about Sophia Rose?
My website is venushour.co.uk, and my Instagram is Sophia___rose_.