How to get over a breakup?
Time to read 3 min
Time to read 3 min
You asked, and we answered. A few of you have asked Dr. Laura Vowels, a certified sex and relationship therapist and researcher on questions regarding sexual health, breakups, and relationships.
Questions you asked:
How do I get over a breakup if I still love him?
I’ve only had bad sex, what is a good way to ensure I enjoy myself next time?
What lube do you suggest women to use to avoid getting thrush?
What are some key tips you would give to readers on staying mindful of their own sexual desires?
Getting over a breakup can be really hard and unfortunately we can’t just turn off our feelings. Sometimes we need a period to grieve for the loss of the relationship and that’s ok, you should take the time and not just try to forget about it as often you will find that you weren’t really over someone if you haven’t given yourself time. Other than that, try focusing on doing things that you enjoy, go out with friends, and maybe try something new that you haven’t tried before. Sometimes starting to date again makes things better, other times it can make things worse so listen to yourself to see how you feel. Sometimes it can be helpful to talk to people who are going through the same thing and seek support from them online or even in person. I’ve also had clients before coming to therapy because they’ve struggled to get over a breakup and we’ve been able to work through their feelings that way. There isn’t one right way to do breakups and everyone’s timeline is different but it does get better over time.
It can be really discouraging when we’ve only experienced bad sex while we hear everyone around us talking about how amazing it is – or should be. I think the reality is that at least as women, most of us have had bad sexual experiences. One of the best-kept secrets is that most women cannot orgasm from intercourse alone. So it’s not surprising that most women have had bad sexual experiences, especially when having sex with men. We think we should enjoy intercourse and we don’t necessarily know that clitoris usually holds the key to our enjoyment.
One thing you can do to prepare is to learn more about what turns you on and what’s enjoyable to you. Knowing what works for you can help you better communicate with future partners about what you would like and what you don’t like. It can be tricky to communicate with partners about it but with practice it can get better. Once you know what you really enjoy, it can be easier to tell your partner and guide them. Choose a partner who you feel comfortable enough with that you can tell them what you would like.
Sometimes our head can also get in the way of our enjoyment if we can’t let go. Practicing
mindfulness can be helpful in learning to be more in the moment. Also make sure that you’re sufficiently turned on and that you take your time with foreplay, flirting, and building up your desire before having sex.
While lube itself won't prevent thrush, choosing the right type can help reduce the risk of creating an
environment that encourages yeast growth. Here are some suggestions for choosing a lube to avoid exacerbating or promoting thrush:
Water-Based Lubricants: These are generally safe for most people and compatible with condoms. Look for options that are free from glycerin, as glycerin can promote yeast growth due to its sugar content.
Oil-Based Lubricants: Natural oils like coconut oil have antimicrobial properties and can be used as a lubricant. However, oil-based lubricants can degrade latex condoms, reducing their effectiveness.
Silicone-Based Lubricants: These last longer than water-based lubricants and don't contain the water that yeast thrives in.
Flavored Lubricants: These often contain sugars, which can feed yeast and increase the risk of developing thrush.
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